There is no right phrase

but damn why did you have to say that?

Published on February 21, 2005 By trina_p In Current Events

I can't stand the word miscarriage, it somehow makes it sound like the woman wasn't carrying the child right and so it left.

But worse then miscarriage is "lost the baby" - Lost? It's not lost, it died, it's gone.

A person asked me this morning when a friend of mine "lost their baby" - they had a misccariage at 7weeks a days ago I was appauled. Firstly because why would you ask that -the question was "What day did ....... lose her baby" secondly what has it got to do with you - what business is it od yours, you don't even know the couple - not well anyway
And third they used the term Lose her baby ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF - She didn't lose it, she didn't do anything, she found out she was pregnant at 5 weeks, didn't do anything different, she's not a drinker, or a smoker - she doesn't even drink coffee.
Things happen, the statistics for unexpained miscarriage before 13weeks are HUGE.

I hate that term - it makes it sound like the woman did something to make her baby die. Which just isn't true.

There isn't a right phrase for the death of an unborn child - it's just a sad, tragic, waste of life. An unexplained unhappiness that never goes away.

Comments

ParaTed2k

on Feb 21, 2005

True, all the euphamisms in the world do not measure up to the devestation.

What's even worse is the medical term for a "miscarriage", try consoling a right wing Christian woman, whose unborn baby just died, and she hears the doctors and medics speak of a "spontaneous abortion."

BlueDev

on Feb 21, 2005

Ted hit the nail right on the head. In medical parlance we don't even call them miscarraiges. We call them spontaneous abortions. Not pleasant.

You are right, there really isn't a nice term for it. But I think that, when spoken of sensitively, whatever term the couple chooses to use is probably the best bet. We have used both miscarraige and "we lost our second baby". We are comfortable with those terms for what happened, so I don't mind if others use them.

trina_p

on Feb 21, 2005

That's the word - I really don't like that word I knew it was something abortion but I couldn't remember what it was.
I was actually going to write a similar article about this last week when I found out about my friend. Then I was just sad, today I'm furious.

Thanks Dev and Ted

Dev - I have no words

BlueDev

on Feb 21, 2005

Dev - I have no words

No worries Trina. It was a long time ago (almost four years now if my mind isn't completely failing), and we came to peace with what happened a long time ago. Perhaps it is my understanding of biology, perhaps it is our faith, but while it was hard in the moment, we were able to move on quite well. We got our second, she just wanted to come a little later, and Big Al (my in utero name for lil' stud boy) is on his way, so we are okay. Thanks for your sensitivity though.

trina_p

on Feb 21, 2005

I found this amazing blog - about how you never forget, you remember everything from what you were wearing to what colour carpet was in the doctors office. I have so many tears Link

http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/2004/08/mizuko.html#comments

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